someone threw a dead crab at me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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