I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
