So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
