sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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