Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
