were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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