Small penises have feelings too.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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