JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
