Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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