you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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