I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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