He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
