The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
