he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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