i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
