if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
