You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
