Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
