The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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