fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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