I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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