Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole