Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀