I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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