it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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