I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
well you can't waste a boner
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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