Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
