I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
