I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
