I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
