Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
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I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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