Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
