Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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