Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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