omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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