I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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