i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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