I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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