In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
