Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
