I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
