I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
