Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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