when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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