Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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