this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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