I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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