I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
