I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
