something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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