Got a toothbrush?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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