i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
