Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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