Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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