I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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