She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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