somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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