guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
