I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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