Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
