she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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