Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
