He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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