Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"