The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor