i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again