Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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