I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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