Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
