grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
