While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
