I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
