"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
