I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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