Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And he claims I gave him āfuck meā eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
