All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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