The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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