my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
