stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
