He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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